Typically I like to meet with everyone individually at least once at the beginning of our work together. This is an excellent time for me to do some solo assessing, get to know you a bit outside of your relationship, and discuss your family of origin and any related patterns you may already be aware of.

I think the biggest factor in couples/relationship therapy “working” is seeking therapy before things are desperate in your relationship. That doesn’t mean you are a lost cause if things are feeling hopeless, but seeking help before that is beneficial. Another important factor is doing the assignments and skills between sessions. If you are meeting with your therapist for an hour a week, there are so many other hours of that week to be practicing your new skills.

Therapy can be scary. Many many many people are worried about being judged or shamed for how they move through the world. It makes a lot of sense your partner may be reluctant. Often when we have a discussion with a partner and get curious about how they are feeling and what they are thinking they feel as though they are an active participant in the discussion. I will send you paperwork that asks you to reflect on what you individually want to do to improve your relationships, go into a conversation with your partner with a similar mindset.

I cant tell you how many times this has been a concern from potential clients. Worried I am going to judge them and will be sitting here nailing it and absolutely perfect in all of my relationships. WRONG. News flash, I am also human and royally mess up my own life. However, I do have skills and training to bring things back around and that I can share with you to do the same. I think it is human nature to judge others, but I try really hard to put myself in peoples position and find the pain. if I can find the pain and where people are stuck, I can show empathy and understanding. Besides, judging clients doesn’t usually do so well in helping them make the changes they want to make. I have seen judgmental therapists myself and that is a HARD PASS for me!

The vast majority of people seeking couples therapy come into their first session anticipating the therapist to side with someone. This is not the therapists role, and a well trained therapist will enable you both to work toward a deeper connection and better relationship, eliminating the desire for a judge and juror.